on FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Oxford defines it as , to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'....

hmmmmmm depending on the degree of a thing done to us maybe also is the degree too of how easy it will be also to forgive.. this i think is the commmon track of thought.

if we have been victimized from child abuse to rape,to all others crimes, from psyhcological abuse, forgiveness doesnt mean what happened to us is discounted, excused, overlooked, disregarded, trivialized, or the offense is being minimized for but its choosing to help yourself move on.

so, why is it hard to forgive???


.. we people find it hard to forgive because we have been hurt
.. we have been offended
.. the thing done may have caused us shame
.. we just cant let go
.. we focus on what we mght have lost person or thing
.. we want to carry it like a knapsack on our back
.. we just dont want to forgive
.. we even wish the other person to hell (....hmmmm not knowing that eventually that unforgiveness may take them there too.)


Unresolved anger is often a factor in addictive and compulsive behaviors and relapse. Holding on to old anger can cause people to avoid conflict, procrastinate, and give up their needs. It can poison relationships and prevent true intimacy. It breeds bitterness, resentment, mistrust and fear.

"People who carry around a lot of resentment tend to be more reactive to day-to-day situations," said Rosemary Hartman, supervisor of the Hazelden Family Program in Center City, Minn. "If a driver makes a slight error in judgment on the highway, some people may react by screaming or shaking a fist at the driver--not because of the actual occurrence, but because they have a huge bank of anger inside that is tapped with the slightest provocation.

Many people have a lot of anger inside them, but not realize it. Accepting that we are angry and identifying the reasons why, may help us begin to let go. We need to work through the anger and move beyond it to forgiveness and reconciliation. Otherwise, were just stuck in a cycle of resentment and bitterness."

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean martyrdom. Forgiveness does not guarantee trust or reconciliation. BUT.....

according to ...
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance as the five stages of grieving (or dying, or loss). Forgiveness is what you do when acceptance is not enough, when you've lost something important -- a relationship, a dream, a self-image, a physical ability -- and you still feel empty or bitter inside.You start forgiving the other person for having died or having left you or having injured you. Forgiveness completes the grieving process, allowing you not only to “move on,” but to become stronger and more loving.


FORGIVENESS – is giving love when theres no reason specially if the person does not deserve it. Unforgiveness and not letting go can lead us to completely miss the opportunity weve been given to learn about real love. healing and peace. ... By embracing forgiveness, we embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy... and also....forgiving always feels better than hating and hurting.